4-4-11

Dear Magenta,

Today is the first day I am writing in you and I am very excited. My goal is too keep you all my life and share all my thoughts with you. Today at school, it was a regular day at school except for science. Kailee wanted to jump rope and while she was doing it she tripped on the rope and FLEW! I feel fake right now. I feel like Hala trying to write a journal. Anyway, I got you at Barnes and Nobles for $9.95 I think. Let me tell you my goals in life that I will someday accomplish.

1. Be a model (high fashion)

I want to be a model cause I feel like that’s the only thing I’m good at. The only thing holding me back is my parents and myself. I’ve told my mom about modeling but she said no. She didn’t give me a good explanation why, just no. So one day, I would like to get an opportunity of a lifetime like Yasmeen Whatever and model. God, if you are reading this, I would like you to make this happen for me because I feel like it’s the right thing to do. =) BTW, I want to be a known model like Gisele Bundechen.

2. Marry a rich soccer player (like Cristiano Ronaldo) (he has to be an amazing soccer player) (or basketball)

This is probably the most unrealistic things I am DREAMING about, but I want to marry someone that’s SEXY, RICH, AND LOVES ME. I don’t want to end up like Mommy. I may sound like a gold-digger, but I just WANT to live the high life and be happy. I want to be able to travel the world and help people in need,

3. Help people in need.

After I have accomplished these two tasks and I am very financially capable to do this, I really want to help people. Especially Muslim girls who have to live under the stereotype of sex slaves who are whipped just because they want to wear a T-shirt. I would like to make a power to Muslims girls campaign because I know God would support this. I want to be like Queen Rana. BTW, she was the same birthday as me!

4. Have kids.

I want to give life to a confident beautiful child with my husband soccer or basketball player. I want my child to live an amazing life and die knowing that I loved them and that they are my world. I want my child to grow successful. I want at least 2 kids.

5. Buy a Bugatti.

This has been my dream since I was 10. I WANT one.

6. BE ON A COVER OF VOGUE ❤ !! I WANT THIS!!!

After these things have been accomplished, I’m pretty sure I will die happy knowing that I will leave this world in peace and that I have people looking up at me and saying “Wow, she’s beautiful”. Magenta, I ❤ U. God, I ❤ U!

October 27th, 2019

I had a dream last night. I was in a park with Marcus and he was hiding something useful of his in a little crater thing. Night before that I had a dream of seeing Lika at an event.

I’m at Misha’s grandma’s house and it’s so nice here. Weed is for sure demon facing. I don’t know why I’m all about smoking it. I’ve been so judge mental. It’s crazy these thoughts, I wonder if they’re exhaustible or will be with me my whole life. Good to know though that they do just come and go and are not total. Ha, what a trip. When they do become reality that is not good.

So thankful for my friends. They’re just as slippery as me. And it’s true they can give pointers, but really it’s all on me and it’s a beautiful thing. All from within, I am truly in love with my friends.

I hope this week is welcomed. With a smile, so big. God is good, God is good. So thankful.

Reading the Jewish bible is so nice. I had no idea Misha was so well read on theology. Amazing. I feel a bit silly giving her a book to read. She has so many, I want to ask her about forgiveness. We are all so different. Mish is amazing. “Pray with us,” she said. Mish is carrying Buddha with her. So many things. So many to see, read hear. At the end it’s all thought. Interesting how it plays out onto the physical. Is it worth theorizing so much, taking the time to? I would like to be part of a church where all we discuss is God. I love.

My excavation has been weird the past couple of days. Different. There are plenty of cheetahs around Misha’s grandma’s house. Good omen, good omen indeed. I love the Japanese doors. And the colors. I feel like my hair smells like onions.

Hello?

My imagination. Where has it gone?

Hello? Knock knock.

Are you there?

Imagine.

Imagine perhaps, in a childish way

How do I imagine in an adult way?

Are you there?

Don’t go knocking on the box, go outside!

God, I feel so ashamed

I had a good time, I had fun.

And then these things made me see who I was.

Easily manipulated.

I wanted to change my past

Because of what they showed me.

But I know there is no taking sides.

We’ve all done wrong.