undated

Dear Magenta,

There’s a voice inside my head. He’s British and he’s really judge mental. He’s the voice of the narrator of LBP. Whatever I do, he’s there saying “She hates this” or “This bothers her”. I’m sick of him but he’s just there. Am I insane? Is there someone else in me. He always tells me that my Dad, brothers and me he’s the reason why I’m not myself around Dahlia. I’m so tired. I don’t know why, I don’t feel like going to school. I have another voice in me telling me I hate school and I’m pretty sure that’s the voice of the devil so GO AWAY YOU! But the British voice is just there, revealing my true emotions in my head and I wish I could hear those words in real life, just to make sure I’m not crazy. God, make someone say that so I KNOW I’m not crazy. I don’t want to be crazy because I have so many goals in life and I WANT to complete. I don’t wanna be stuck in a mental hospital. I wonder how my family feels about me. I hope THEY don’t think I’m crazy…. God, I ❤ you. Magenta, I ❤ you.

PS: Why did my ears hurt in the morning?

PPS: Now me, the voice isn’t British

PPPS: Whenever I’m done writing I never feel better, just quiet.

Tear drops

undated

I’m lost, I have no idea where I’m going. Life feels like a dream. The back of my head feels missing. I wanna cry but I don’t wanna make a “scene’”. What does this mean? Why am I here? Why aren’t I happy? When will I be happy. I have a headache. I don’t want to go to school but I do. I want to take a chance. I wanna run away. I want to live. I want to cry. I wanna dream. I want to sleep and never wake up. I want to know that someone loves me. Why am I here? Why do I exist? What good do I do? Why doesn’t anyone support me? What the fuck is wrong with Daddy? I wanna go to sleep. God, what’s wrong with me? I feel like throwing up. My hearts beating fast. I feel weak. I’m ugly. Why aren’t I pretty? Why doesn’t anyone say I’m pretty? Why do I dress like a slob? I feel like weird. I wanna sleep and dream and never stop.